Ten Years Later- A Letter To Myself

Dear Shanna,

I know this is overwhelming and scary. It seems like the hospital exercised poor judgement by allowing you to leave with a baby. Your baby! When those big, glass doors closed behind you, I know you were secretly hoping a nurse would come running after you and bring the two of you back to the “safety” of the maternity ward. But she didn’t come, did she? She sent you off with gentle reassurance and a complementary diaper bag stuffed with humongous maternity pads, a few teeny-tiny newborn diapers, the phone number for a lactation consultant, and a booklet called “A New Beginning.”

What an appropriate title! It feels like you’re starting life over. Any knowledge and educational degrees you’ve acquired over the last thirty years seem null and void. Things are very different than what you read in those books. Those books about what to expect when you are expecting and now you are expecting to have no idea what to expect.

I know you dream of easier days and nights full of quiet, continuous sleep and feel guilty about wishing the days away. I know it seems like time is ticking slowly by and it feels like you are stuck in the movie “Groundhog Day.” The one where Bill Murray finds himself trapped in a time warp and he keeps waking up to live the same day over and over again. Except in your time warp, the day revolves around a baby- Baby cries, pick up baby, soothe baby, check diaper, change diaper, feed baby (for like hours), baby sleeps, you should sleep, baby cries and repeat. Repeat over and over again, every 3 hours or on demand, for what seems like every future day. I know you wonder if you will live life at some sort of a predictable, “normal” rhythm EVER again.

I know it feels like you have completely lost yourself and wonder if you will ever find yourself again. I know you’re anxious, hesitant and constantly questioning yourself as you weed through a tremendous amount of information and opinions and try to make a variety of good decisions on behalf of your sweet baby. Very kindhearted people with good intentions offer you advice but since you are so overtired, oversensitive, and overwhelmed you cannot appreciate their wisdom. Or maybe more than that, some of their advice makes you feel like you are doing it all wrong or even worse, it’s a reminder that you are not enough. And even though you are surrounded by people, I know you feel very alone.

Ten years later, I can tell you the hospital did not make a mistake. It may have been a rocky start at home adjusting to everything new but no mistake was made. God picked you to be your baby’s mother. He knows you can do it, gives you everything you need, and you can rest in that. Hold onto that truth and embrace it during the long days and nights. Repeat it constantly to yourself and especially when the hospital sends you home two more times, with two more babies.

Your life has started over but in a new and beautiful way. Those degrees you acquired in school will be used again but the type of degree you are working on now does not come from schoolwork but lifework. This is a never ending study in unconditional love. It requires time, patience, mistakes, forgiveness, grace, sacrifice and it changes everything. Through the lens of love, relationships and the world will look different. You will begin to understand the sacrifices your mom made for you and what it means to be loved by Jesus in a way that brings you to tears almost every time you think of it. And as far as the what to expect, you will never know what to expect because each day, each baby, brings new challenges and blessings. It’s a constant practice trying to be content and present in the very moment. Oh, and just when you think you have something figured out, it all will change. So, expect the unexpected and expect love.

The days will get easier, you will get more sleep and sleep is awesome. Easier is relative though. In some ways it will be easier and in others ways more difficult. The cliche is true! Time goes by quickly, much more quickly than you ever thought it could. One day, instead of wishing the days away, you’ll wish they would stay. (Maybe the trade off for sleep is fast moving time?) Your life will find a predictable rhythm again but every season will have a different rhythm. And you’ll love the changing rhythms because you do not like boring, and motherhood is far from boring.

About the anxiety and sad feelings, it was a good decision talking with the doctor. What you see as an extra burden now, God will heal through medicine and faith and use this in ways to empathize with other moms and others dealing anxiety and depression. You will always have the threat of doubts and fears but you will persevere and overcome them with confidence in His strength. You will need to work on your “perfectionist” tendencies though and embrace the imperfections and the mistakes because those will make you better not worse.

BTW, you are not enough. At least, not enough on your own. You need Jesus and community more than ever before. Let down the walls. Let others in. Ask for help. Don’t try to do life alone. One of the greatest communities you will find will be in a MOPS group. You’ll find friends, faith, and freedom there. MOPS will encourage and equip you to be the best mother, woman, and leader you can be. It will help you find purpose and give you opportunities to practice confidence in the next things that God is calling you to do.

Make time for family and friends. Embrace your church family and the women in it. Their lives and experiences, their stories shared with you, are gifts. Gifts worth more than any amount of money can ever buy. You will see the importance of their words when you are not so overtired and overwhelmed, and you will come to crave being taken care of by them, tucked under their wings, and covered by their prayers. Your heart will swell a thousand times over when your babies are welcomed into these communities and loved by your friends too because we are better together.

Shanna, you are doing a good job even when you think you are not. Take one moment at a time. Remember, the challenging moments are more valuable because they are richer in experience and make you stronger. And even though it’s good now, the best is yet to come. Motherhood is an amazing, special gift.

With Love,

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Gratitude Letter Challenge

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21 Day Gratitude Letter Challenge

Wow, we made it through the day! If your social media feeds were anything like mine, a broad spectrum of thoughts, raw emotions, declarations, and many opinions stemming from the election were represented. Today, I sat quietly on the other side of the screen, reading and liking comments here and there, and cheering on friends who offered positive suggestions for moving forward (regardless of their political stance.)

A few days ago, I wrote a post about the benefits of choosing gratitude over grumbling. I noted several positive benefits to a thankful attitude and mindset. I love the brain research on this topic and could write and discuss much more about it but I want to give you a way to put into action the information I wrote about.

I have heard it takes 21 days to form a habit. Although this may be a myth, I think 21 days is a good place to start moving forward with positive change. The recent election has put a lot of focus on the differences between people, thoughts, and ideas. I would like to challenge us to take the next 21 days to try something to help us switch the focus off of our differences and put them on our similarities. Something that will help us highlight the things we are grateful for in each other.

We are going old school, bringing back letter writing and snail mail. You will need, paper, a writing utensil, envelopes, and stamps. Each day, try to find about five to ten minutes to write. It does not have to be an uninterrupted time period. It could be a minute here and a minute there. You can write at a desk, the kitchen table, in the carpool lane, or in the bathroom. It does not have to be a letter filled with long, elaborate, flowing words and rhymed prose (although that would be totally awesome) but it does need to be genuine and point out one or two things you appreciate, admire, and like in the person. Seal up the letter, write the address, and drop it in the mail. And smile!

If you need a little help thinking about who to write, I created a document/picture (see above) with letter prompt ideas. This is just a suggestion, please write to whoever you like. Be creative. Use your church directory, address books, MOPS group directory, pull names out of a hat. Include your kids in this challenge. I believe these letters have the power to strengthen and change relationships.

Will you consider joining me in spreading some kindness and gratitude? I would love to hear from you if you do. And if you want to really take the challenge up a notch, hand deliver your letter and spend some time with that person. Oh, just think about that! What a way to make someone’s day brighter!

PS You can post on social media and follow along at hashtags #embraceletters, #embracegratitude

The Power of Words and Opinions- My Reflections and Thoughts of MOMcon 2016

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Oh, how easily and quickly words can spark suspicion and uncertainty. How quickly can suspicions catch ablaze, words and opinions spread like wildfire and gain the attention of a divided audience. How easily are relationships strained (some destroyed) and alliances built by thoughts and opinions. How quickly do we forget that we have great influence and our influence is best used in building up and not tearing down.

I have been thinking a great deal about people who share their strong opinions in very public ways. Strong opinions seem to be everywhere- in politics, in ministry, in the world- and with the opinions come conflict and disagreements. I strongly dislike conflict and disagreement. (I could never be a lawyer.) After much thought and consideration, I have decided I am truly grateful for those who boldly share their opinions because they prompt me to think strongly about my own beliefs and convictions. These people challenge and inspire me to read the Bible for discernment and wisdom. I may not agree with their opinions or their methods of sharing but I am finding out there is always something to be learned. By listening to each other, being careful to not react rashly, and always leaning toward the side of grace, I am realizing people with different opinions help me to be a better leader and person. I call these people fire starters sometimes helping to reignite holy sparks and keep them on fire.

MOMcon (MOPS International’s Leadership Convention) was a blaze of gracious, wise words that outshined and burned down walls that were built by harsh opinions and questions MOPS has recently received. The words given by speakers and MOPS staff and received by leaders were life-given, Holy Spirit driven, and love oriented. MOMcon reestablished MOPS vision and mission and propelled leaders to embrace Jesus and others. MOMcon equipped us to release fear, walk boldly in faith, and be prepared to think differently and creatively to reach those who need the hope of Christ. I cannot help but wonder if the opinions and criticism of fire starters acted as a catalyst for such a passionately driven conference. Last week, many holy sparks were ignited and to God be the glory for the great work to be done.

Just as easily as words can produce uncertainty and suspicion, words can also spark reassurance and confidence. Words can help unite an audience with facts and ignite enthusiasm of a shared purpose and calling. Relationships can be mended, strengthened and refined by truthful, gracious answers and humble responses. All these things were evident to me at MOMcon.

MOPS International has been and always will be Jesus followers, kingdom enthusiasts, advocates for motherhood and the influence of women, expansive in inclusion that every mom has a place, multilingual, and sisterhood cultivators. In five years, MOPS International has a vision to see 1,000,000 moms reached with the hope of Christ. I am so excited to be part of this vision in my role as Co-Coordinator in my own MOPS group and as a MOPS Community Coach to the MOPS groups I coach in New England.

My MOPS calling has been reignited. I am comfortable in my skin and confident in my faith. I feel more equipped than ever before to lead in love and use my influence to cultivate and build communities of women who love each other and who can make a difference in this world. I want to love people just as they are and in every messy way they come. Most of all, I will not be defensive of other’s opinions (in all areas of life) but plan to use misunderstood information and perceptions as a challenge to make sure that the way I am living is one in which others can see Jesus. A holy spark was ignited and fanned to flames and I am so excited to see where God will make room for the flames burn.

****The views expressed on this page and blog are mine alone and they do not necessarily reflect the views of MOPS International. They have not been reviewed or approved by MOPS International*****

To Oz and Back

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On Sunday, I was joking with a friend about how crazy and busy last week was. There were church meetings to attend, our last MOPS meeting to run, a local MOPS Leadership Training to facilitate. Add those things to the regular housework, homeschooling, and everyday tasks and I felt like Dorothy Gale from the Wizard of Oz. Picked up by a tornado on Monday, whipped and whirled through the week, crash landing in the weekend, and wondering how I got there. But instead of Dorothy’s wide-eyed wonder as she explored the beauty and splendor of the new place she had just arrived, I felt more like the Wicked Witch of the East, flattened and lifeless by a week of events the size of a house.

After these big weeks and big events, I can get really good at self-criticizing and critiquing all the things that did not go as I had expected, analyzing things I said or didn’t say, and overthinking people’s reactions. Over the years, I have been able to recognize these tendencies in myself and have tried to implement a few ways to guard my heart and my mind. Like the water splashed on the Wicked Witch of the West, I have learned to throw “water” onto my own negative thoughts, insecurities, and doubts to shrink them down to a nonthreatening size.

When I find myself on the other side of the “rainbow,” I……

Celebrate:

I treat myself to a cup of coffee and a sweet treat and celebrate what has just happened. I think about all the good work that was accomplished, the people who came alongside to help get it done, and the strength and energy that God gave me to finish what needed to be completed. Instead of thinking about all the things that did not go as expected, I celebrate the unexpected things, the surprises along the way and the opportunities I was given to love and serve others. Leading up to an event, I spend hours in prayer. An equal amount of time should be spent devoted to praise and with a posture of gratitude when the event is over.

We ought not to leap in prayer and limp in praise. -Charles Spurgeon

Rest:

To be honest, this is probably the most difficult of the three things for me to do. It takes time for my adrenaline infused body time to calm down, be at peace, and rest without movement. I usually have to push away feeling of guiltiness that come around to remind me about the laundry needing folding or the dishes needing to be washed and put away. But here is the thing, there will always be a thousand things to do.

Rest is not selfish but it is necessary and especially vital after a busy week. Rest is needed to restore and refresh our hearts, minds and spirits. The Bible speaks of rest in many places and God’s gift of Sabbath gives us permission to rest, even when all of our work is still unfinished.

“It’s best to give myself a few days to rest and replenish emotionally and spiritually before I delve into reviewing a ministry event I just led or a speaking engagement I’ve just completed”

Jodi Detrick, The Jesus-Hearted Woman

Notice Goodness:

There is always good to be found. Always.

Only after I have celebrated and rested, I feel as if my emotions and thoughts are clear enough to start to evaluate and review the busy week or big event. I ask myself: What went well? What needs to change? How can I do things more effectively? Who can I bring in to help?

I have some very special people in my life who I trust wholeheartedly and know they have my best interests at heart. I will often debrief my week/event and share with them my thoughts and perceptions. I trust them to give me honest feedback and advice.. Sometimes, what I hear is not all rosy and a pat on the back. I appreciate the constructive criticism my people offer because I know that they want to see me grow in my faith, leadership, and as a person. In her book, The Jesus-Hearted Woman, Jodi Detrick says, “There are times when we need a rebuke even more than we need a compliment.”

Goodness makes greatness truly valuable, and greatness makes goodness much more serviceable.- Matthew Henry

Whether you find yourself in Kansas or in Oz, walking the yellow brick road or the halls of a church, falling asleep in a field of poppies or on the living room couch, know that you are enough. Keep going, step by step, and allow friends to come alongside you on what every journey you find yourself on. Rest when you can and know that you can always go “home” when ever you want. There is no better place then home. Well, expect maybe home with a short list of things to do. 🙂

Throw Kindness Around Like Confetti

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On Tuesday, I celebrated my thirty-eighth birthday with the police and fire department, complete strangers, and Bob Goff.

I love birthdays and everything that comes with them. Crepe paper, confetti, cake, gifts, and surprises. I once flew 3,000 miles to an Olive Garden in Rhode Island to surprise my dad on his birthday. The look on his ~~surprised~~ astonished face will never be forgotten and I loved playing my part in the surprise. But on the morning of my birthday, I wasn’t very excited about the day. It wasn’t the fact of being a year older that upset me. It was the mountainous list of things to complete looming over my head. If only I could get through the list, then I could relax, rest and celebrate. The idea of giving preference to checking off my to-do list instead of celebrating my birthday straight up annoyed me.

My lousy mood and to-do list tackling was divinely interrupted by my parents calling to sing me Happy Birthday. After their sweet song, they asked me how I was going to spend the day.

“Well,” I said. “I have a lot to do. There is this and that and so I just have to plan on celebrating after this week is over. I just have so much to do.”

As I heard the words coming from my mouth, I felt like I was betraying my true self. Who was speaking? I know my parents must have been thinking that too but my mom politely said something to the point that I was serving other people and working on my birthday and that was a good thing. I felt disappointed. I paused, prayed and thought. Was a completed to-do list really worth missing the day that I usually love and look forward to? If I did not have a list of things to do, how would I be spending my birthday? What would I want?

I knew that I did not want any more material things. I already had everything I needed and more. I thought about the things that make me happy. Jesus, my family, my church family, MOPS, people, my community. I thought about the things that that I am good at. The plan started to take shape. I love those videos where people surprise a random stranger with a gift card, word of encouragement or kind action. That is what I wanted to do. I wanted to spread kindness through the community with surprises for people I know and random strangers who God knows.

Five years ago, I might have thought this was a crazy idea. But hey, call me crazy! Crazy about Jesus and crazy about loving people! The idea ignited so much excitement that I literally pushed my to-do list aside, ripped a new piece of paper from the notepad and started scribbling a new list. A new list with thirty-eight kind actions, one action for every year I have been on this earth. With new list in hand and a changed attitude, I was ready to celebrate….celebrate with confetti made out of kindness.

Before we go any further, please note that my intention of sharing this post is not to gain attention to myself or to brag about good deeds. Or to make you feel guilty. Many birthdays I have spent on me and just me. We all need those days. My prayer and hope of sharing this post is to make you smile and inspire you to spread love and kindness in a way that you can give. Kindness comes in many shapes and sizes and does not look the same; but kindness will always be a blessing to those who receive it.

38 Acts of Kindness

1.) Called Bob Goff. One of my acts of kindness was to write a favorite author and thank him/her for their work. I had just finished reading Love Does (AGAIN!!) and remembered that Bob put his phone number in the back of the book. Why not call him instead of writing ? I mean who would really put their phone number in the back of a best-selling book. I dialed, the phone rang but a recorded message came on stating I missed Bob and I could reach him by email. I wasn’t prepared to write his email address down and had to call again to make sure I had remembered what I heard correctly. The phone rang again, and again, and then Bob Goff actually answered!! That’s right! He’s the real deal!! I told him it was my birthday and how I was going to spend it and then I asked him if he could give me some advice on kindness. He directed me to Matthew 25: 31-46, specifically verse 35.

“For I was hungry and you gave me food, I was thirsty and you gave me drink, I was a stranger and you welcomed me, ³⁶I was naked and you clothed me, I was sick and you visited me, I was in prison and you came to me.”

He told me a great place to start spreading kindness is to look for people who are hungry, thirsty, strangers, sick people, and prisoners. When we share kindness with them, we are experiencing Jesus. I thanked him for the advice, thanked him for his book and what he is doing for God. He wished me a Happy Birthday and told me he was just about to get on a plane. And that was that. He was off to go inspire another group of people and point them to Jesus and I felt charged and ready to do the same. Hope its was a good flight, Bob!

2.) Wrote a thank you letter to our mailman and leave it in the mailbox with the flag up. The kids were looking out the window when the mailman came to deliver the mail and we spied on him as he reached into the mailbox to grab the letter for HIM! We couldn’t see his face. But we saw him take it, pause a moment and then turn it over before he drove away. I hope it blessed his day!

3.) Sent a card to my mom on my birthday.

4.) Told people that I loved them.

5.) Called off homeschool and built a “Kindness Crew.” I enlisted the help of my kids with this day of kindness. They helped me write cards and cut out compliments to leave on cars in parking lots. This day turned out better than a school day would have been. As we were out and searching for people who needed encouragement, I noticed that they were becoming more aware of their surrounding and looking at the world with a hightened sense of compassion. They became just as excited as I was when we were able to bless someone.

6.) Complimented the sample lady at the grocery store and bought what she was selling. It is hard to be a sales person!

7) Delivered flowers to an amazing mom, mentor to many, and a Godly woman!

8.) Paid for the car behind me in the Dunkin’ Donuts line.

9.) Paid for the car, behind the car, behind me in the Dunkin’ Donuts line.

10.) Brought a dozen donuts and thank you note to the fire department. Our fire department is amazing! The firemen brought us through to the garage and let the kids climb in the fire truck and use the water hose. Sometimes acts of kindness are returned with an act of kindness.

11.) Delivered flowers to another amazing mom who we surprised at work! This mom is a mentor to me and has prayed over me and with me for many years. She has also gently helped me say no to things and supported me through many things. She is just amazing and I love her! It was time for me to bless her.

12.) Delivered a dozen donuts and thank you note to the police station.

13.) Prayed for the people in jail while we sat in the police station parking lot. I talked to the kids about choices, mercy and forgiveness. It was a deep little moment in the back of our mini van.

14.) Gave flowers to a random stranger. I was driving by the Salvation Army Store when I saw a woman exit the door, I felt like she needed flowers. So I whipped into the parking lot but by the time I had parked, she was already in her car. That did not matter to me. I walked up to her car, knocked on her window. The window rolled down slowly, I held out the flowers and told her I wanted her to have them. She looked really confused and most likely was questioning if I had lost my mind (it was awesome!) I reassured her that I was not crazy just out spreading kindness and she needed some today. She brightened up and was really happy by the time we said our goodbyes. I wonder where she was off to and what she was dealing with that day.

15.) Held doors for people.

16.) Put post-it notes on the diaper changing table at Target so when a mom goes to change her baby’s diaper she will see how awesome she is!

17.)Bought five Starbucks gift cards. Searched Target for a moms to give the cards to. The kids were really good at this. We listened for crying and tantrums and steered the cart in that direction. First card given to a mom with a baby.

18.) Gave another Starbucks card to a mom with toddler. She was very appreciative.

19.) We left a few dollars in the bins of the dollar spot section of Target.

20.) There was a lost lady walking around the parking lot looking for her car. I gave a card of encouragement just before she found her car.

21.) Put note on a windshield of the car parked in front of us.

22.) Went to the grocery store to search for more moms with cranky kids. Gave Starbucks Card #3 to a mom of two boys.

23.) Gave Starbucks Card #4 to a mom with toddler and baby.

24.) Gave the sun some encouragement. It was a hot day and standing by the road and waving in a giant sun costume is hard work! So I pulled over, walked over to her and told her she was doing a great job. I wish I had a bottle of water to give. Next time, I will be more prepared.

25.)We purposely smiled at people.

26.) We helped picked up things that fell onto the floor of the grocery store.

27.) The kids and I bought food to be added to food baskets given to families in need.

28.) Left lottery tickets on the gas pump and stayed around to watch who would take them. We sat and watched for a good thirty minutes, cars came and went, and everyone left the tickets where they were. We must have a lot of honest people in the community who do not take things that do not belong to them.

29-33.) Left notes of encouragement on five more cars.

34.) We took time to stop and talk with church members who we ran into while we were out.

35.) I offered to help a women on the crutches. She refused but at least I offered.

36.) Met a friend for dinner.

37-38.) We ran out of time to do the last two acts of kindness but we plan to put the rest of the cards on parked cars and in random library books at the library.

It was an absolutely wonderful, exhausting day! My heart was filled beyond capacity and I felt at peace. An amazing contrast to the way my day started. Turns out that there were things on my to-do list that could wait. They were still there when I woke up on Wednesday morning but I was better prepared to conquer the list with a new, refreshed heart. You never are too busy to celebrate.

One last thing, a birthday blessing for me!!! During the day, I was searching for something in a forgotten pocket of my purse. My hand hit a small, scroll like object. I pulled it out and unrolled a birthday surprise. I had completely forgotten about this piece of paper. I had pulled it out of a fish bowl filled with random compliments at MOMcon (MOPS International’s Leadership Conference.) I thought it was a good word at the time. BUT to rediscover the smallest paper, in a pocket I forgotten existed, on a day when my purpose and intention was spreading kindness, was more than a coincidence to me. It was reminder and confirmation of the love and kindness and the reason why all these acts were done in the first place. Not for me, but for Him. The most kindest, loving One who all hope and mercy comes from. I am just a humble servant trying to follow directions. 🙂

78 Kind Things to Say to Your Kids

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Yesterday, I wrote about the power of words and how the loudest echos can be created from the quietest, smallest voice. Today, I want to challenge you to start looking for ways to use kind, powerful words with some of the smallest people we know- our children.

Words have a way of lasting years and years after they are said. When we speak encouraging words, we are giving our children an emotional boost of hope, support and confidence. Pray for opportunities and quiet moments to embrace and use those times to support and build up your children. Read Bible verses that speak to their identity in Christ. Pray that God’s life-giving words and our kind words would root deeply into our children’s hearts. Root so deeply, that when they are faced with challenging and difficult situations they might sow the strength and confidence those words have grown.

Here are 78 “starter” phrases for you to use. They are not only for our smallest children, they work for our children who may have grown taller than us too. If speaking words of affirmation is difficult for you, try saying one or two words at a time and work up to speaking several each day. Like with anything new and with some practice, speaking encouraging words will start to feel easier to do and your children will benefit from your practice. I would love to hear from you and add your ideas to this growing list.

You are loved.
You make me smile.
I believe in you.
You are a hard worker.
Can I help you?
I’m sorry.
Will you forgive me?
I forgive you.
You are creative!
Great discovery!
You are kind.
You are a good friend.
You are a good listener.
I’m listening
Your ideas matter.
You can say no.
You make a difference.
You belong!
Here is a place for you.
Tell me what you are thinking.
Thank you for helping me.
Would you like to help me?
Thank you for trying.
Great job!
I like how you ______.
I see you trying.
You are brave.
You can learn from your mistakes.
Your mistakes do not define you.
Keep up the good work!
I like you.
Thank you for being you.
God made you special.
You have a lot to offer.
I like spending time with you.
You are fun to be with.
I am excited to see you try.
You figured it out!
Well done!
Thank you for following directions.
Thank you for sharing.
I trust you.
I appreciate you.
Thank you for being honest.
You are joyful!
You are loving.
Thank you for waiting.
You are patient.
You give the best hugs.
I like when you hold my hand.
Please sit next to me.
I am grateful that God made me your mom.
You have a great sense of humor.
You have a sweet and gentle spirit.
I will help you with that!
What a fantastic idea.
Let’s do it together.
Good thinking!
Thank you for answering me.
That was a kind thing to do.
God gave you special gifts and talents.
Let’s pray about it together.
You are good at ______.
You are important.
Thank you for helping your friend.
That is wonderful news.
I am proud of you.
You mean the world to me.
I love you to the moon and back.
You are beautiful inside and out.
You made my day!
You are generous.
You are helpful.
Don’t give up.
That’s a great question!
I learn new things from YOU
I love your enthusiasm.
I LOVE YOU!

The Courage Key

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“MOMMMMMM!!! WE NEED YOUR COURAGE KEYYYYY!!!”

“WHAT???!!!!” I yelled from the kitchen.

“YOUR MOPS Courage Key!” The girls came bouncing into the room. “The downstairs bedroom door got locked. We need to get in and the MOPS key is the only one that works.”

“Ummm…girls, my courage key is not a real key. It is just pretty necklace and charm. It it cannot open the door.” I tried to say this as gently as I could so not to deflate their enthusiasm.

“Yes, it can! We have used it before and we need it again!” My girls were confident and not the least bit concerned with my disbelief. They knew how to solve the problem and I was the only one getting in the way of their solution.

“Okay,” I said. “Let’s go try.”

It turns out that my girls were right. My MOPS Courage Key and a lot of other real keys can open the locked bedroom door. This new bit of knowledge will save me the time and hassle of searching the house for a bobby pin or a screwdriver that it small enough to fit in the door’s tiny, awkward slot and release the lock.

I have wasted so much time looking for things that would unlock “doors.” “Doors” that I have shut and locked with anxiety, my insecurities and fear. Doors that have been held shut by the “what ifs?” and “I can’ts” or the “Is it worth the risks?” Past disappointments and present confusion add to the tangled mess of locked emotions. I have tried releasing the locks with keys that I have forged out of my own power, strength and control. Those keys have not worked. They have only left me more anxious, frustrated and tired.

There is one key that never fails. God.

Faith is the key that unlocks the door and courage is the key that helps you walk through it. Courage that is manifested through faith. Hope that is discovered through courage.

Sometimes I find myself asking God, “But it doesn’t look like the key?” or ” How is this going to work?” “Is this key the right one?” And I hear God whisper patiently to me, “Trust me. Have you tried it yet?”

Faith and courage doesn’t mean that you will not experience failure or pain. It is not a promise that things will be easy and every “door” you walk through will open into a “room” that will be comfortable and warm. Courage takes strength to venture and persevere. 1 Courage in faith can help you go from confusion to clarity. From captive to free. From stuck to unstoppable.

I am willing to guess that I am not the only one who has locked doors. Or the only one standing in the way of a solution. Let’s stop wasting time and start unlocking doors with faith, starting with the door to our heart. Let’s allow God and the Holy Spirit to work in our lives to help us depend on His strength (not our own) and start living the bravest versions of ourselves. Grab your keys and walk through those doors!

Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be frightened, and do not be dismayed, for the Lord your God is with you wherever you go.”

Joshua 1:9 (ESV)

faithisthekey

Resting Snowflakes

All snowflakes begin the same way. High in the sky, a tiny piece of dust collides with a cold droplet of water creating an ice crystal. As the ice crystal descends to earth, it moves through changing atmospheric conditions and responds in the creation of a snowflake. A beautiful and uniquely formed snowflake complete with exquisite patterns and plates. Not one snowflake is the same.

Children are like snowflakes. They start as a miracle, grow and form in the belly of a woman, and then are birthed into this world. Each child enters the world unique and beautifully made. Innocent and new, they do not know who they are or how to navigate the unfamiliar world they have come into.

Children depend on their parents for love and their basic needs. As children grow, parents help guide their children on the path of discovering their gifts, talents, and passions. We want our children to thrive physically, mentally, and spiritually as they grow into the exquisitely designed, healthy adults who they were created to be.

Sometimes, in our zeal to “help” our children discover who they are we often over look important things. Things like our children’s different personalities, priorities, hectic schedules, and most importantly the basic human need of rest. We are an overcommitted society. With good intentions, we end up creating and modeling a hurried, busy lifestyle rather than an atmosphere of rest and value on relationships. If we want our children to flourish in their unique person, we must learn to reevaluate our priorities and work to add rest back into our family’s schedule.

The following are ideas to implement rest back into everyday life. Some might be easier to add into your lifestyle than others. Some might require work, priority, scheduling, and practice. The work will pay off with positive results for all family members. Just as a snowflake is formed by the atmosphere around them, so will your children be formed by the environment you foster around them. Make their ascent into adulthood an atmosphere focused on relationships and with a priority to rest.

Be “interruptible.” Life happens at unpredictable moments. Be mentally prepared to be interrupted when your kids need to talk or want to show you something. Listening to them now will create a habit and desire to talk to you later as young adults.
Schedule downtime on your family’s calendar! Include your children in scheduling activities on the calendar. Schedule “rest” first and then everything else next. This will show your children that your family makes rest an important priority.
Make it a date! Give each of your children the gift of quality time with just you. Find care for your other children so that you can focus on one child at a time. You might be surprise at what you learn during your time together.
Share a family meal together! Research shows that sharing a meal is good for a family’s health and member’s self esteem. Check out the Family Dinner Project for recipes and conversation starters
Get into a good book! Cuddle on the couch and read together. Reading aloud has many benefits including increasing attention span, building vocabulary and creating lifelong readers. Reading aloud also opens the doors for discussion about life and difficult issues.
Go take a hike! Get outside and get moving. You may not think of exercise as rest but the benefits of exercise promotes good health, boost energy levels, improve moods, and helps with sleep. It is a great way to spend time together.

Self-Evaluation

I have difficulty committing to reading one book at a time. There is a stack of dog-eared, bookmarked, highlighted, and half-read books by my bedside. Right now, I am in the middle of four different books BUT only one of those books is impacting me on a very deep and personal level.

This book is causing me to take a good, honest look at myself. It is prompting me to think about who I am as a person and where I stand as a leader. It is good (so healthy) to pause and check ourselves, our intentions, and our goals. When we take that time, we find things that we might not like and things we want to change or improve. Or we might find things that reinforce what we are already doing and encouraged us to continue forward.

The Jesus-Hearted Woman

The book I am referring to is The Jesus-Hearted Woman- 10 Leadership Qualities for Enduring and Endearing Influence. In October, I had an opportunity to hear Jodi Detrick, the author, speak at MOPS Leadership Training at MOMcon. With biblical advice, personal stories and real-life examples, she challenged us to respond to God’s invitation to leadership and strive to lead more like Jesus to make a world-changing difference.

When I got home from training, the book landed in a collection of other books put aside to read when I got some free time. That is where it stayed until a few months ago. A group of other MOPS Coaches wanted to do an online book club with “Jesus-Hearted” book. Each week, we read one chapter and discuss the chapter (and ourselves) in a Facebook group conversation. Real, authentic, honest conversation takes place leaving me wanting more and wanting to go deeper.

This week’s chapter was on humility. I strive to be humble but ugly-pride rears its head more times than I wish to admit. I think with technology and social media, it is easy to build your own podium and puff yourself up. You can make your life look wonderful, great, fun, self-sacrificing, and carefree. But I wonder what it would look like if we could see just over the view of the lens. You probably would see a messy, disorganized, self-centered, disengaged life. I can say that because from time to time I have been there and guilty of the exact thing. This life isn’t about perfection or self, it is a messy life surrounded by others who need love and God’s presence in their lives.

I want to be an authentic, humble leader and more like Jesus. It is a humbling thought that God has allowed me to have a part in His kingdom work. This book, and especially this chapter, is helping me to sharpen the image of people around me. Elevating others, serving those who are hurt and looked down upon, restoring and building relationships, encouraging others and asking for help all as practices in humility and in becoming a better leader.

“Humility helps us encounter greatness in unexpected places.”

Jodi Detrick, The Jesus Hearted-Woman

“100 Things I Love”

Everyone is creative in their own way. God has created each of us with different gifts and talents to be used to reflect His goodness and His image. Creativity is not constrained within the arts, it is included in the processes of thinking, planning, and decision making. Sometimes, we need to remove distractions and shift our perspective so that we can find the creativity that God designed us to enjoy.

At our last MOPS meeting, my creative Co-Coordinator came up with this amazing activity to help us “notice goodness,” “embrace rest,” and to “celebrate lavishly.” We started our meeting by watching an engaging speaker, Kay Morison, talk about the importance of finding our creativity and embrace it as a way to recharge so we can continue to pour into others. She made a point to say that creativity looks differently in all of our lives and it can be found in things like spreadsheets and in runner’s strides.

“Creativity teaches us to be more present in the moment, enjoy the process, and let go of the end result.”

Kay Morrison-Eyes to See…Creativity

After viewing the video, each mom was given a “Noticing Goodness Kit.” The kit contained cardstock, numbers, mat, a heart, and writing prompts. We organized the items on our paper, glued them in place, and waited for the next instruction. My Co-Coordinator asked us to think about the many things we love and then led us through two or three examples, encouraging us to be creative in how we numbered and wrote the items on our paper.

“On your paper, write number one. What is the first thing that comes to mind when you think of what you love? (PAUSE) Write number two. What is your favorite smell? (PAUSE)”

Once we all had a good idea of what we were to do, she sent us off to find a peaceful, quiet space. Then we were left alone with our thoughts, a pen and our paper.

When you are a mom of little ones, you rarely get 30-40 minutes of alone time without interruptions. The time to think was a gift in itself.

It took me three or four tries to find a comfortable, quiet spot. Once I found a space, I did nothing but sat and breathed. The silence was unfamiliar. A good five minutes went by before I pulled out the prompts and things started coming to mind. Sometimes, they came quickly. Word after word. A few times, I got stuck and sat in silence again. I found that there was no particular order of importance and one word/memory often led to many other things that I loved. Before I knew it I had 100 items on my paper. I could have kept going.

I reread my list and realized that I had missed things that I absolutely love- chocolate-chip cookies, apple picking, Santa Claus, running, the 4th of July. I also realized that I missed many memories- Story Land with my family, going to Cape Cod, my wedding, soda floats in chemistry beakers with my grandpa, and watching Days of Our Lives with my aunt.

It did not matter what I missed or how many things I forgot. This was not a checklist-type of activity. No bonus points for the best or most unique item. This was practice in opening our eyes to notice the goodness in the every day, in the smallest moments, with the people who you do life with. It was also helped us embrace rest and to celebrate lavishly in what we accomplished.

You do not have to have a special kit to complete this activity. Grab a piece paper. Find 30 minutes of “quiet” time- maybe at nap time or when the kids go to bed. Start one at a time and number your items. I think you find yourself opening up as you go. If you get stuck, here are a list of prompts that you can use: 100 Things I Love Prompts

If you need even more inspiration, check out these pins and the different ways others have completed this type of project:

https://www.pinterest.com/pin/AY8ichhWgnUDkgUSc6s1DyiIul1JJc6DNunyzFLpTtCXGwgxWIxl4TQ/

https://www.pinterest.com/pin/131871095314686653/

Crafty Island Girl

https://www.pinterest.com/pin/267119821626528980/

https://www.pinterest.com/pin/267119821626529714/

If you do get a chance to do this activity, I would love to hear your thoughts and how you did.

Embrace your creativity!

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Celebrate:

We ought not to leap in prayer and limp in praise. -Charles Spurgeon

Rest:

“It’s best to give myself a few days to rest and replenish emotionally and spiritually before I delve into reviewing a ministry event I just led or a speaking engagement I’ve just completed”

Jodi Detrick, The Jesus-Hearted Woman

Notice Goodness:

Goodness makes greatness truly valuable, and greatness makes goodness much more serviceable.- Matthew Henry

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38 Acts of Kindness

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Faith is the key that unlocks the door and courage is the key that helps you walk through it. Courage that is manifested through faith. Hope that is discovered through courage.

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