100 Kind Things to Say

I went to put my purse down and noticed the small puddle filling the center console of my van. My five-year old son had “given” me his cup of water, which really meant he had half-haphazardly placed it on the uneven tops of the odds and ends we keep in the tray. Now the cup was on its side, water trickling out near the straw. Soggy receipts were turning to watercolored prints. Drowned coins reflected in the shallow bottom of the compartment like in a small wishing pool.  

I took a deep breath and made a conscious effort not to say something snarky or say something I would regret. Yes, he was being impatient and had not wanted to wait for me to take his cup. Yes, my patience had been tested many times today.  Yes, this was one more thing to clean up. Yes, this was an minor inconvenience. But really this was just an unintentional accident and an opportunity to show a little grace.  

I started to mop up the water with some napkins I had just grabbed while we were at the coffee shop. I didn’t realize they would be used so soon. It was quiet in the van- a rare moment of silence. My son was thinking and watching. When the last napkin had been used,  he declared with admiration, “Wow, Mom! You are always prepared. Really, always!” These words seemed too big for his sweet little voice. A compliment so gracious it disarmed any lingering sour feelings. I had almost traded kindness and grace for irritation and annoyance, but I hadn’t. This time I hadn’t let my emotions hijack the situation. Kindness won! “Thank you, Bud! Mommy tries,” was all I could reply.     

Words…powerful little things that add up to big consequences. When we stop and think before we speak, we can change someone’s day.  (We can change our day.) I have no doubt if I had said some things I had initially been thinking during the water spill, it would have left a dark shadow over the hour. Instead, it turned a small incident into a moment of positivity. When we speak encouraging words, we are giving people around us an emotional boost of hope, support and confidence. We are building stronger relationships. 

About two years ago, I wrote a post called “78 Kind Words to Say to Your Children.” I thought I could do better than just 78 and came up with more things to say. So, here’s a new list- “100 Kind Things to Say.” Originally, I had thought to use this list to encourage my children but there are many things on this list that would encourage anyone- family, friends, and co-workers too. 

And one more note, some of us have a natural inclination or a gift to speak words of affirmation and encouragement. For others it can be difficult and takes practice. If you feel like it’s difficult, do not be discouraged. Try saying one or two positive, encouraging phrases at a time and work up to speaking several each day. Like with anything new and with some practice, speaking encouraging words will start to feel easier to do and the people around you will benefit from your practice.  

  1. You make me smile.
  2. I believe in you.
  3. You have great ideas!
  4. You are a hard worker.
  5. You make a difference.
  6. Can I help you?
  7. I’m sorry.
  8. Will you forgive me?
  9. I forgive you.
  10. You are loved.
  11. You are creative!
  12. Great discovery!
  13. I admire you.
  14. You are kind.
  15. You are a good friend.
  16. You are a good listener.
  17. I’m listening.
  18. I want to hear what you have to say.
  19. Your ideas matter.
  20. It’s your decision.
  21. You can say “no.”
  22. You belong!
  23. We need your help.
  24. Here’s a place for you.
  25. I like spending time with you.
  26. Tell me what you are thinking.
  27. Thank you for helping me.
  28. Would you like to help me?
  29. I see you trying.
  30. Great job!
  31. I like working together.
  32. I like how you______.
  33. It’s okay to be nervous or scared.
  34. You are brave.
  35. We can learn from mistakes.
  36. Mistakes help us grow.
  37. Keep up the good work!
  38. I like you!
  39. Let’s share.
  40. Thank you for being you!
  41. God made you special.
  42. You have a lot to offer.
  43. You are right!
  44. You are fun to be with.
  45. I am excited to see you try.
  46. You figured it out!
  47. Well done!
  48. Thank you for following directions.
  49. Thank you for sharing.
  50. I trust you.
  51. I appreciate you.
  52. Thank you for being honest.
  53. You are joyful!
  54. You are loving.
  55. You are helpful.
  56. Thank you for waiting.
  57. You are patient.
  58. You give the best hugs.
  59. I like when you __________.
  60. Please sit next to me.
  61. You have a great sense of humor.
  62. I can help you with that.
  63. I want to help.
  64. What a fantastic idea!
  65. What do you want to do?
  66. Let’s do it together.
  67. Good thinking!
  68. Thank you for answering me.
  69. That was a kind thing to do.
  70. You have special gifts and talents.
  71. You are a gift to others.  
  72. Let’s pray about it together.
  73. You are good at________.
  74. I can tell you really tried.
  75. You have a big heart.
  76. You have the best smile.
  77. You are important to me.
  78. Thank you for helping your friend.
  79. That’s wonderful news.
  80. Tell me more.
  81. I am proud of you!
  82. You mean the world to me.
  83. I love you to the moon and back.
  84. You are beautiful inside and out.
  85. You made my day!
  86. You light up the room!
  87. You are generous.
  88. Don’t give up!
  89. That’s a great question.
  90. You can try again next time.
  91. Let’s take a break and try again.
  92. It’s okay.
  93. It will get better.
  94. I’m here for you.
  95. You inspire me!
  96. You are a great example to others.
  97. I am a better person because of you.
  98. You teach me new things.
  99. I love your enthusiasm.
  100. I LOVE YOU!

But…Three Ways Little Words Affect our Relationships

butandembrace

There’s a tiny three-letter word used in many conversations that’s been an instigator of doubt, helper of defensive attitudes, and distinguisher of joy in relationships. A casual little conjunction, called BUT

BUT in itself is not a bad word. It’s the context in which we use it and the statements we choose to combine it with that’s the issue. In homes, workplaces, and in churches, I hear BUT being used in three different ways. Three ways that cause discord between people and promotes negative thinking. With some thought before we speak and a simple replacement word, I believe we can bring about change.

When we replace BUT with AND, we shift our phrases to the positive. We create encouraging and constructive conversations that open dialogue and build up relationships. AND takes nothing away, it only adds.

BUT and Doubt…

Combine BUT with an “I’m sorry” or an “I love you,” and we’ve completely taken away the sincerity of the apology and have established conditions around love. When we say “I’m sorry, but you’re not perfect either” or “I love you, but next time_____,” we are instilling doubt and confusion into our relationships, often leaving the other person to question where they stand, where we stand, and over time, where the relationship stands. It is better to keep the “I’m sorry” and “I love you!” as self-contained, assured statements.

BUT shows up in other ways too. We give, receive and process words through a wide spectrum of emotions and levels of confidence. What we may think is a casual observation or a small statement of opinion can be so much more to the receiver. The BUT can inject doubt into their work, their passions, and their callings.

Some examples… “I like it, BUT it would be better if _____.” “You did a nice job, BUT next time_______.” Instead try saying: “I like it, AND I can see you worked hard on this.” “You did a nice job, AND I would love to hear more about your process.”

BUT and Defensiveness…

We give (and give) so much of our time and talents to people, to our work and the church. Sometimes, we find ourselves in a state of exhaustion. We start getting protective of our time and energies, sometimes thinking we already did our part, gave enough and have nothing more to give. OR God has reluctantly moved us to a new place or a new season and we are processing through those all the thoughts and emotions of letting go and moving forward. When someone approaches us for help or our opinions on something, there’s a threat to answer out of our exhaustion and emotions rather from of a place peace and the inner strength that comes with knowing God has a purpose and a plan.

Instead of saying…”I would love to help BUT I’m already working too much.” Try saying, “I would love to help, AND even though my schedule does not allow it right now, I can help you by thinking of people who might be able to ask.”

Instead of saying…”We did it that way for ages, BUT now_______.” Try, “We did that for ages, AND now we get to do ____________. ”

“Another change! BUT why? ” Try, “Another change! AND maybe there’s good reason for it. I’m going to find out…”

BUT and Distinguishing Joy…

Every day BUTS can distinguish innocent joy. They can overshadow the simplest praise. BUT feeds discontent and rapidly multiplies in conversations. It shows up in our attitudes and the way relate to each other.

Instead of saying… “That’s good, BUT this person/this program/this church does it better like this __________.” Try, “That’s good, AND praise the Lord for what he has done it here.”

Instead of saying…”Only five people showed up, BUT more people should have come.” Try, “Five people showed up AND they were the rights ones. Our small group enjoyed a lot of good conversations.”

There is absolutely a time and place to state opinions, evaluate and reevaluate. It must be done in an edifying, safe and trusting environment, if not the “buts” will continue to destroy relationships, breed distrust and all sincerity will be lost.

I sadly admit I have been both a speaker and receiver of many BUT phrases. I don’t beat myself up about what I might have said, instead I look toward changing what I will say. I think it’s important to remember that in our humanity we are not going to have perfect conversations all the time. It’s an awareness of our choice of words, and working toward using those words in a positive way. This awareness and practice will be beneficial not only to our family, our workplaces and our church bodies but also to us. Let’s start catching ourselves in mid-thought and in conversations, and challenging ourselves to be the change and positivity-promoter that our relationships need.


Love for the Local Church

embracelocalchurch.jpg

I knew the Church long before I knew Jesus. It’s where we were first introduced. His name whispered humbly and reverently in the prayers of His people. His name boldly proclaimed in petitions and healings, and shouted with enthusiasm in worship and song. Yet, I did not know what it meant to call Him mine until many years later. I didn’t know what joy and love would be found by calling Him my friend. The peace and gratefulness I would own by proclaiming Him as my Savior. Nor did I know the hope and boldness that would come with obedience to my King. I know and treasure all these things now, largely because of influence of the Church and the faithfulness and struggle of a bunch of imperfect people who love and strive to follow Jesus with their lives.

For forty years, the local church has been woven into the very fabric of my life. Less about a building and more about the people, it’s been a special place that has brought me warmth and familiarity, irritation and conviction, and firm grounding with love as I have grown in my faith and as a follower of Jesus.

Just as with any relationship, the Church and I have had a long, rich, complex one. I’ve experienced seasons and degrees of willingness, activeness and involvement. I’ve been stubborn and ungrateful, a complainer and a critic . . . a consumer. At times, I’ve gone to church for the wrong reasons with wrong heart intentions and sat through many services with wrong thoughts. And if you know my story, you know that I never wanted to be a pastor’s wife.

Often the things you never wanted are the very things you are to embrace. And you might just find that the very thing you never wanted to do is the very thing you love and are called to do – as you allow the Holy Spirit space to work. All those years, all those church services, the influence of so many faithful people, so many Bible studies, camp devotions, rededications, worship songs and hymns, forty years of prayers prayed over me, for me and by me have cumulated and forged in my heart (and life) a great love for Jesus, His people, and for the local church.  I love the local church.

The local church with all its faults, imperfections, and humanity is a very unique place.  It is a place where I have found the importance and value of being connected in a community with believers who are also working out their lives of faith and learning to love God and love others. It’s a place where I have been encouraged, equipped and challenged to figure out exactly what I believe, why I believe it, and what to do with this transformational truth I carry. It’s given me space to grow in my faith, helped me learn patience and practice extending grace. The church is not perfect because people are not perfect, but I see a desire in the local church to do better, to figure these things out. To change the perspective of what church is.

But most importantly, I love the church because it is where I met, fell in love with, and surrendered my life to Jesus. And the more deeply I fall in love with Jesus, the more I love what He loves. Jesus loves people. He loves His church. In Acts 20:28, the Bible tells us that Jesus loves the church so much He bought it with his own blood.

This motivates me to want to be the best shepherd I can, and advocate for my local church. With so many options, worship styles, changing culture surrounding how we “do” church, it is important to continually remember that God has placed us here together in this time as his local family of believers.  We gather together to worship and proclaim Jesus, encourage each other in his mission, and bear witness to his forgiveness, reconciliation, and the transformational power of hope, love, and joy found in Him.

church


National Day of Prayer- 2018

nationaldayofprayerresources

Today is the National Day of Prayer! A call to unite together in prayer for our country and for all those who live in it. This annual spring observance was established by President Truman in 1952 and in 1988, set as the first Thursday in May. For sixty-seven years, Americans have gathered together to bow their heads and ask God to guide, protect, heal, and bless our country. In his 1983 prayer declaration, President Ronald Reagan said, “From General Washington’s struggle at Valley Forge to the present, this Nation has fervently sought and received divine guidance as it pursued the course of history. This occasion provides our Nation with an opportunity to further recognize the source of our blessings, and to seek His help for the challenges we face today and in the future.”

Four reasons why we should we pray today (and everyday)…

Prayer connects us to God. Being a follower of Christ means being in relationship with Him. Relationships require communication and prayer creates communication pathways.  It is a great privilege to pray. Our prayers do not need be perfect, wordy or beautiful. God loves when we come to him as messy, imperfect, broken people whose desire is to truly seek Him and His heart. When we come to Him with our praise, thanksgiving, hopes, dreams, requests, and needs, our relationship with God grows stronger.

Prayer is an act of obedience. God’s word calls us to pray and we must respond. Prayer is an act of obedience. And wholehearted obedience is done joyfully, with enthusiasm. The Bible says, “Obey him gladly” (Psalm 100:2a TLB).2

  • “This, then, is how you should pray …” –Matthew 6:9
  • “Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer.” –Romans 12:12
  • “And pray in the Spirit on all occasions with all kinds of prayers and requests.” –Ephesians 6:18
  • “Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.” –Philippians 4:6
  • “Devote yourselves to prayer, being watchful and thankful.” –Colossians 4:2
  • “Pray continually” -1 Thessalonians 5:17
  • “I urge, then, first of all, that requests, prayers, intercession and thanksgiving be made for everyone …” -1 Timothy 2:1 1

Prayer equips us and empowers us through the Holy Spirit. Prayer gives us the courage to take the next steps of faith. As we seek the Lord’s guidance in our lives, callings and passions, the Holy Spirit will reveal, teach and illuminate the Truth. In a noisy world filled with loud voices, the voice of the Holy Spirit is a quiet whisper. Prayer helps us to slow down and listen. When we hear His voice, we can confidently embrace the Truth and walk in the power and freedom He gives.

Prayer Unites.  Prayer builds community and brings us together for a common purpose or action. It joins us in the Lord’s presence and helps us opens our eyes and hearts to the needs of others. Praying together focuses our eyes on the Lord and helps us to put our faith, hopes and dreams in His hands. Prayer helps us make unified steps toward where the Lord is leading us. “Where two or three are gathered in my name, there am I in the midst of them.”  Matthew 18:20prayerinworldmotherteresa

So on this National Day of Prayer, I challenge you to find some time to dedicate to prayer. Maybe it’s 15 minutes, maybe it’s an hour. Maybe it’s praying on your own, maybe it’s praying with a friend or co-worker, maybe it’s praying with your kids. However long, whoever it’s with, wherever you choose to pray, connecting with God’s heart is most important. I believe the time you spend with God in prayer will be both powerful and beautiful.

If have a desire to pray and are unsure where to start, use the file I created (link below in green) or send me a message. I would love to mentor you in how to start a prayer life with our God.

 

 

Ways to Pray for An Hour on National Day of Prayer

NATIONAL DAY OF PRAYER -WAYS TO PRAY FOR AN HOUR PDF (link below)

NATIONAL DAY OF PRAYER -WAYS TO PRAY FOR AN HOUR PDF FILE


Love One Another

loveanother

“By this all people will know that you are My disciples, if you have love for one another.” (John 13:35)

We recognize people by their uniforms, identify people by their badges, and classify people by their actions. As followers of Christ, love is our uniform. It’s our badge, our mark of affiliation. Love is the driving force behind our actions, the effectiveness of our skills. Love is our testimony to the world that we belong to Jesus.

Yet, loving others can be difficult! I believe Jesus knew just how difficult it would be. Of all the things He could have said during his last hours on earth, some of his final instructions to his disciples were to believe and to love. Believe and love, two actions with supernatural characteristics, difficult to measure, and cultivated by effort and perseverance.

Four times, Jesus uses the word “love” in these verses. It makes me wonder if He repeated the word so it would make its way from our short-term memories into the long-term memories of our hearts. Love is an expression of the heart and sometimes expressions of love baffle our minds. The depth and cost of Jesus’s love is astonishing. He loved us so much that He sacrificed his life for ours and that is an overwhelming truth. It was the greatest expression of love. A love that redeemed us, restored relationship with God, and granted us freedom that set us free. It is in this love, He calls us to love one another.

On our own, loving others can be difficult. When abide in Him and believe in His trustworthy words, He supernaturally provides what is needed through His Holy Spirit, so others can know and experience forgiveness, grace, and love too.

This Easter weekend, how can we love others well? How can we live out love like Jesus? And how can we wear love as our a uniform, as a badge, so that others would know we belong to Him?


Throw Kindness Around Like Confetti-The Podcast

podcast

Photo Credit: MOPS International

I am so excited and honored to have one of my talks turned into a podcast! I gave this talk during MOPS International’s Coach training in Milwaukee last fall. The whole experience was humbling and surreal. I praise God for leading me out of my comfort zone and stepping into new things for His glory. I thank MOPS International for believing in me and allowing me to share my heart. I hope you will listen, be blessed and be encouraged. If you would like to know more about MOPS International and what they do, I would love to talk with you.

(Google Play link to the podcast below. It is about 12 minutes long.)

https://play.google.com/music/m/D4xz4cy52fqhn2d3gfdnv76c2im?t=Throw_Kindness_Around_Like_Confetti-Connections_Podcast 

“When Shanna woke up on her 38th birthday, she had a to-do list that didn’t excite her much. So she threw it out and made another list full of kind things she wanted to do that day. With her new list and a new attitude, she spread kindness around like confetti. All year long, we should strive to walk in grace and do good works and love each other in the name of Jesus.”

gold confetti


A Wrinkled Heart

I was in eighth-grade and one of the first to arrive at the door of my next class. The hallway was dimly lit and quiet compared to the rest of the school. The linoleum checkered-floor shined from the previous night’s cleaning. A group of popular girls gathered next to me, one by one they joined the gaggle of giggling and whispering and formed a small circle of exclusion. I was an outsider. I did not belong.

I do not remember what the class was about, how long it lasted or if any of my friends were in the room with me. I remember waiting in line to exit the room and then stepping into the hallway. One of the popular girls was waiting right outside of the door, she stopped me and looked me straight in the face.

“You have a horrible laugh and smile. I do not like it,” she said with a mean smirk. Then she went bouncing away down the hallway to join her snickering friends.

Shocked, stunned, and confused, I looked around to see if anyone had witnessed the scene. I felt so alone. The hallway was a blur through my tears. I do not remember the details of the rest of the day but those words stuck with me for many years after.

Even twenty-something years later, I can still remember how those words felt as they passed through my ears and penetrated into my heart. The sting has long disappeared and been relieved by others’s kind words and actions. Years of growing in faith, wisdom, and self-confidence has made the comment irrelevant and a bit silly now. Just ONE mean girl’s opinion. But a wrinkle in my heart forever remains from the experience. And sadly, I am sure there have been many times I have put wrinkles in other people’s hearts by my unkind words and actions.

wrinkledheart

My girls are at an age when friendships are starting to get more complex. They are learning how to navigate the broad spectrum of personalities, feelings and emotions that comes with relationships. I have found myself thinking back to my school years and the opportunity I have to share some of my experiences and bring a little wisdom from a perspective gained over the years.

In teaching my children about friendships and the importance of kindness, I came across this wonderful idea. It is hands-on, engaging and helped to open a new dialogue with my children. It is a great visual for adults too.

For this activity, you will need is a piece of paper (any color or size will do) and a pair of scissors. Cut the paper into a heart.

Have your children feel their own heart and explain that everyone starts with a heart as nice and smooth as the paper one. Discuss how words and actions can make others feel good or hurt other’s hearts and feelings. I shared a few examples of times when words and actions have made me feel good or bad.

I asked my children to give me examples of UNKIND words and actions they may have heard or someone has said to them. With each example, I folded part of the heart until the heart was completely folded. Then, I asked my children to give me examples of KIND words and actions. With each example, I unfolded the heart until it lay flat and wrinkled. I asked them what they thought of the wrinkled heart. We discussed how important it is to think before we speak because apologies can help to make the hurt better but the hurt sometimes never disappears. It becomes a wrinkle in their heart.

We were just about to move on to another activity when my daughter turned to me and said, “Mom, I think ___________’s heart is very hurt and wrinkled because she told me other kids don’t like her and say mean things to her. That makes me sad.” This led into a whole other discussion on how we can be good friends and come alongside each other. The activity was time worth spending. It got us all thinking and talking.

There are many great books written about feelings, emotions and the importance of being kind. Here are a few of my favorites that would go wonderfully with this heart activity. (They would make a great Christmas gifts too.)

inmheart2

chrysanthemum

the-hundred-dresses

dsc_0136

My experience in junior high was not for nothing. Over the years, it has been a reminder to me of how powerful words can be and to think before you speak. So very often I need this reminder…..

think