Be with the people that bring out the best in you.
February was a month of celebration. We celebrated new milestones, explored new places, and enjoyed adventures with the people who bring out the best in us.
(And for optimal growth, I believe there needs to be a balance of work and activity with play and rest. Our homeschooling in January was reflective of these things )
Love is essential for emotional health and well-being and to feel loved is a primary human emotional need. According to Gary Chapman, author of “The Five Love Languages,” love can be expressed and experienced in five ways:
-words of affirmation
-acts of service
We have natural preferences and tendencies to give and receive love in one or two of the five ways listed.
Dr. Ross Campbell, a psychiatrist of children and adolescents, suggests each person has an “emotional tank” that needs to be kept full for optimal health and well-being. When our “love tank” is empty, we do not feel loved, perspective on life seems darker, we may feel irritable, and act out. “A lot of misbehavior in marriage grows out of an empty love tank,” said Dr. Gary Chapman.
Our children have their own love languages and love tanks too. Although, their primary languages will not be established until they are older, it’s important to keep their “love tanks” full by loving them in all five ways. Knowing your own and your family members’ love languages can improve relationships and help see interactions in a new way. Your can discover your love language here.
This Valentine’s Day be intentional with how you love and work to keep love tanks full. Below are a few ideas that reaches each type of love language.
Cooking: (quality time, acts of service, gifts)
For Younger Kids: Valentine’s Day Sparkle Playdough
Sparkle Playdough Recipe adapted from https://www.iheartnaptime.net/
-2 cups flour
-3/4 cup salt
-4 teaspoons of cream of tarter
-2 tablespoons of vegetable oil
-red food coloring
-red and silver glitter
-quart size plastic bags
1.) Add flour, salt, and cream of tarter to a large pot. Stir.
2.) Add water, oil, and food coloring.
3.) Over medium heat, stir mixture constantly until dough has thickened.
4.) Separate dough into two bags quart size plastic bags and add silver and red glitter.
5.) Knead the dough in the bag until glitter and food coloring is incorporated and combined.
6.) Have fun!
The playdough can be packaged with a heart cookie cutter and given as a cute Valentine’s Day gift.
For Older Kids and Adults:
Try a new recipe and learn a new technique. Here’s a scrumptious recipe for truffles by my friend Stacey. They make a beautiful, thoughtful gift!
Crafts: (quality time, receiving and giving gifts)
Younger, Older Kids and Adults: Pull out the craft supplies and lots of glitter and make Valentine’s cards.
Older Kids and Adults: Sewing and Embroidery
We did a simple sewing project this week with muslin and embroidery floss. With a pencil, I stenciled a heart on the fabric and embroidered around the traced shape. They added heart after heart in different colors. The end result was so cute, we framed them.
Appreciate Love and Others : (words of affirmation, quality time)
Grab a deck of cards and some paper. Write 52 things you love about a person or what you love about being a family. Cut and paste one thing to each card. Hole punch cards and tie together. (This makes a great gift! I gave this set to my husband about five years ago.)
Create a gratitude board with the 100 Things I Love activity. We did this at MOPS a few of years ago as a practice in gratitude. It was a great reminder of all the big and little blessings that make my life richer and more enjoyable. This activity could be done together or separately.
Dance Lessons (physical touch, quality time)
Grab a partner and learn a new dance with these fun dance cards from Step Calvert Art.
You can get printable dance cards like the one above at this link: https://stephcalvertart.com/lego-birthday-party-dance-dancing/
Here’s an example: Rhumba
Reading Books: (quality time, physical touch)
One of my favorite parts of the day is when we are all snuggled on the couch with a cozy blanket and a good book. No matter what the book it is, it’s the time spent together, the amazing places you “go”, and the interesting characters you “meet” that makes it such a special time. I also love the great conversations that follow the readings.
Take time to slow down and enjoy your loves today. Have a very happy Valentine’s Day!
I know this is overwhelming and scary. It seems like the hospital exercised poor judgement by allowing you to leave with a baby. Your baby! When those big, glass doors closed behind you, I know you were secretly hoping a nurse would come running after you and bring the two of you back to the “safety” of the maternity ward. But she didn’t come, did she? She sent you off with gentle reassurance and a complementary diaper bag stuffed with humongous maternity pads, a few teeny-tiny newborn diapers, the phone number for a lactation consultant, and a booklet called “A New Beginning.”
What an appropriate title! It feels like you’re starting life over. Any knowledge and educational degrees you’ve acquired over the last thirty years seem null and void. Things are very different than what you read in those books. Those books about what to expect when you are expecting and now you are expecting to have no idea what to expect.
I know you dream of easier days and nights full of quiet, continuous sleep and feel guilty about wishing the days away. I know it seems like time is ticking slowly by and it feels like you are stuck in the movie “Groundhog Day.” The one where Bill Murray finds himself trapped in a time warp and he keeps waking up to live the same day over and over again. Except in your time warp, the day revolves around a baby- Baby cries, pick up baby, soothe baby, check diaper, change diaper, feed baby (for like hours), baby sleeps, you should sleep, baby cries and repeat. Repeat over and over again, every 3 hours or on demand, for what seems like every future day. I know you wonder if you will live life at some sort of a predictable, “normal” rhythm EVER again.
I know it feels like you have completely lost yourself and wonder if you will ever find yourself again. I know you’re anxious, hesitant and constantly questioning yourself as you weed through a tremendous amount of information and opinions and try to make a variety of good decisions on behalf of your sweet baby. Very kindhearted people with good intentions offer you advice but since you are so overtired, oversensitive, and overwhelmed you cannot appreciate their wisdom. Or maybe more than that, some of their advice makes you feel like you are doing it all wrong or even worse, it’s a reminder that you are not enough. And even though you are surrounded by people, I know you feel very alone.
Ten years later, I can tell you the hospital did not make a mistake. It may have been a rocky start at home adjusting to everything new but no mistake was made. God picked you to be your baby’s mother. He knows you can do it, gives you everything you need, and you can rest in that. Hold onto that truth and embrace it during the long days and nights. Repeat it constantly to yourself and especially when the hospital sends you home two more times, with two more babies.
Your life has started over but in a new and beautiful way. Those degrees you acquired in school will be used again but the type of degree you are working on now does not come from schoolwork but lifework. This is a never ending study in unconditional love. It requires time, patience, mistakes, forgiveness, grace, sacrifice and it changes everything. Through the lens of love, relationships and the world will look different. You will begin to understand the sacrifices your mom made for you and what it means to be loved by Jesus in a way that brings you to tears almost every time you think of it. And as far as the what to expect, you will never know what to expect because each day, each baby, brings new challenges and blessings. It’s a constant practice trying to be content and present in the very moment. Oh, and just when you think you have something figured out, it all will change. So, expect the unexpected and expect love.
The days will get easier, you will get more sleep and sleep is awesome. Easier is relative though. In some ways it will be easier and in others ways more difficult. The cliche is true! Time goes by quickly, much more quickly than you ever thought it could. One day, instead of wishing the days away, you’ll wish they would stay. (Maybe the trade off for sleep is fast moving time?) Your life will find a predictable rhythm again but every season will have a different rhythm. And you’ll love the changing rhythms because you do not like boring, and motherhood is far from boring.
About the anxiety and sad feelings, it was a good decision talking with the doctor. What you see as an extra burden now, God will heal through medicine and faith and use this in ways to empathize with other moms and others dealing anxiety and depression. You will always have the threat of doubts and fears but you will persevere and overcome them with confidence in His strength. You will need to work on your “perfectionist” tendencies though and embrace the imperfections and the mistakes because those will make you better not worse.
BTW, you are not enough. At least, not enough on your own. You need Jesus and community more than ever before. Let down the walls. Let others in. Ask for help. Don’t try to do life alone. One of the greatest communities you will find will be in a MOPS group. You’ll find friends, faith, and freedom there. MOPS will encourage and equip you to be the best mother, woman, and leader you can be. It will help you find purpose and give you opportunities to practice confidence in the next things that God is calling you to do.
Make time for family and friends. Embrace your church family and the women in it. Their lives and experiences, their stories shared with you, are gifts. Gifts worth more than any amount of money can ever buy. You will see the importance of their words when you are not so overtired and overwhelmed, and you will come to crave being taken care of by them, tucked under their wings, and covered by their prayers. Your heart will swell a thousand times over when your babies are welcomed into these communities and loved by your friends too because we are better together.
Shanna, you are doing a good job even when you think you are not. Take one moment at a time. Remember, the challenging moments are more valuable because they are richer in experience and make you stronger. And even though it’s good now, the best is yet to come. Motherhood is an amazing, special gift.
“Nothing great was ever achieved without enthusiasm.” – Ralph Waldo Emerson
Those words were printed on a tiny, magazine clipping handed to me by a mentoring teacher. It was right after a devastating student teaching observation in which a professor had told me that I was “too enthusiastic” and I needed to “tone it down” while teaching. His words cut to my core, my very being, because by nature (and by God’s design) I am a very enthusiastic person. I have always tried to embrace learning and life with joy. After school that day, I sat in the classroom with my mentoring teacher. She took the time to listen to my every sobby, tear-drenched word. She reassured me there was no such thing as too much enthusiasm in teaching or life. Her words, compassion, and encouragement helped heal a wound and gave me the confidence I needed to continue in teaching and also to fully embrace who I am. The quote has become one of the songs for my life. Many times over the years, I have held the now-faded and battered clipping in my hand, remembering the kindness shown to me and how the smallest amounts of kindness, joy, enthusiasm, and encouragement can do great things in the world.
EMBRACE ENTHUSIASM is a blog focused on faith, learning, and purposeful living. It’s written by me, Shanna Crowell. I live in New England with my pastor husband and our three children. I am a former public school teacher and now use my education when speaking to groups, in church ministry, and in homeschooling my children. My heart’s desire is to serve and encourage women, help people find their identity in Christ, and help equip people to use their God-given gifts and talents to live life with greater purpose and enthusiasm.
Over the next few weeks, I will be working on updating, reorganizing, and creating some new things on the blog and on my Facebook page. I hope you will be encouraged by what you read and see here, join in the conversations, and be inspired to try something new.
Many blessings for a great day!
Peace and Love,
My grandfather, Baba, was one of the best. He was gentle and kind. Intelligent and clever. He delighted in learning and was always up for an adventure. He loved his family and he loved words.
Baba went to the library almost every day and if he couldn’t get there, he would call the reference desk with his questions. The ladies knew his voice and he kept them busy with his burning inquiries. When he wasn’t reading or highlighting large portions of texts, he was creating and writing his own short stories and home answering machine messages. Sometimes the messages made sense, sometimes they did not; but they always rhymed and they always brought him joy to create.
Baba was a special man. It’s because of him I wanted to be a teacher. It is because of him, I will always be a life-longer learner. It’s because of watching him observe and problem solve, that I love observing, exploring, and discovering just like him.
The holidays always bring a mixture of emotions with them- sadness for the ones we miss, joy for the ones we have near, gratitude for the memories from the past and the new memories we are creating. In memory of my grandfather, I wrote the following little poem (true to his poetic style.) It brings me joy to think I might be carrying on a little bit of his “rhyming words and writing “corny” verses” legacy. 🙂
Twas the Night Before Thanksgiving
Twas the night before Thanksgiving,
And all through the town,
the pies were a baking,
the dishes strewn around.
The preparations were happening,
the time was very near,
the moods varied from maddening to
“Yay! The time is here!”
In the hustle and the bustle,
its hard to stop and rest,
to remember why we celebrate,
the reasons why we’re blessed.
This day is more than history.
more than moods and the food,
this day is about gratitude,
and the people we include.
The blessings that come in small ways,
through the good times and the bad,
the people who praise and pray with us,
and the communities that make us glad.
Let’s turn our eyes toward heaven,
and thank the good Lord who
gives us life and provisions
daily for me and for you.
And let’s sow some seeds of gratitude,
so our hearts may be renewed.
And harvest a field of hope and joy,
that will last the whole year through.
Happy Thanksgiving Eve! I am thankful for you! 🙏
How many times a day do you give thanks for the blessing of sight?
Fanny Crosby was six week’s old when she was left blind from a doctor’s treatment to cure an eye infection. Nonetheless, Fanny grew up active and happy surrounded by strong women of faith as she learned how to navigate the world differently than most. At eight year’s old, she composed the poem above and although the poem may not use the grandest of word choices, the wisdom is greater than most people will ever acquire in their lives. To be content and thankful in your circumstances.
Fanny Crosby went on to write more than 8,000 hymns. That’s enough hymns to fill fifteen complete hymnals stacked one on top of the other, enough to cause her publishers to resorts to ascribing to her multiple pen names to make her output more believable.¹
BUT the thing that impresses me the most, beyond her amazing writing abilities, is her attitude and her THANKFULNESS. She was thankful for the blessing of blindness.
“I could not have written ten thousands of hymns if I had been hindered by the distractions of seeing all the interesting and beautiful objects that would have been presented to my notice.” “It seemed intended by the blessed providence of God that I should be blind all my life, and I thank Him for the dispensation.” A situation that others may see as a curse, Fanny saw it as a blessing!
I wonder about us. What circumstances do we find ourselves in? Maybe we are dealing with situations we may not have asked for or never in a million years wanted?
I wonder what would happen if we could find blessings in what seem to be curses. Contentment in unhappy places. I am not saying we have to love everything that comes our way or we have to be happy every moment in dealing with these things. Grieve, yell, cry, and then breathe. Repeat. When you are ready, try to start to look at things a differently and maybe you will find something, even if it is one little thing to start with, to be grateful for.
Some of the hardest, most difficult circumstances, situations that seemed unfair and definitely most unwanted, have been the situations I have grown from the most and eventually been the ones I have been most thankful for. So, today, I would encourage you to try to look at things with a new view and come up with at least one thing you are thankful for in your current circumstances. I am praying for you!
Give thanks in all circumstances; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you. (1 Thessalonians 5:18)
¹ Demoss, Nancy Leigh. Choosing Gratitude: Your Journey to Joy. Moody Press, 2011.
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because simple joys require hard work