I’ve been a mom for 16 years! That realization hit me this month, and as I reflected on these years, I can confidently say that every stage of motherhood comes with challenges and gifts. When the kids were little, the challenges were lack of sleep, picky eating, tantrums, and time-outs. People would half-jokingly and half-warningly say, “Oh, just wait until they are teenagers. That’s when the real trouble begins.”
I tucked away that warning, combining it with the unresolved shame of the “trouble” I caused in my teenage years. In some ways, I think I have unconsciously held my breath and prepared for the “trouble” of teens since, but why? And what vague “trouble” should I be expecting?
“Trouble” has many definitions- problems, misery, inconveniences, irritations, unpleasantness, vexation…. those parenthood prophets prophesied the “trouble” in these unfavorable ways. Sure, parenting teens comes with difficulties and challenges, stretching and stress, but these things, while different issues, happen at every stage of parenting. What a parent does with them makes the difference. Are we willing to change our perspective and approach?
When we use “trouble” to describe the teenage experience, we parent and teach with preconceived ideas. We have set an expectation for our kids to meet. I refuse to allow “trouble” to be an attribute or a definition of the teenage years. The next generation deserves better than that.
Instead of prophecies of negativity and indifference, our teens, like all of us at every age, need advocates, guides, cheerleaders, life-long learners, authentic people who are willing to grow with them, humble people who are willing to admit they messed up and ask for forgiveness, listeners interested in their thoughts, hopes and dreams, adventurers who will step with them out of their comfort zone, helpers who foster change, life-givers who speak words of encouragement, and a community of people who are striving to live life without religiosity and hypocrisy. And all of us need grace-givers!! Grace, grace, grace, grace, grace, grace, grace, and more grace.
So, let me be a voice who speaks amidst parenting teens and prophesies something different. These years of parenting teens have been some of my favorite years so far. I love learning alongside them and hearing their thoughts and approaches to the world. What teens have to say is so valuable and meaningful. There are many things to look forward to and opportunities for grace to strengthen, redeem, and transform relationships. While change can feel less immediate than when they were little; and sometimes, I wonder if I’m making a difference, the TRUTH is we are all making a difference. The question is which type of difference are we making- for better or worse. Which way will it be?
I’m committed to making a better difference for our next generation and I’m working on all these things: setting my expectations in the right light and the truth of the gospel, surrounding myself with a community of people who love me, love my kids, and want the best for us, putting my phone down to be present, taking care of my physical and mental health. Most importantly, I refuse to let negativity or lies define me as a parent or my teens as people. I am committed to prayer through any fear, progress over defeat, and waiting in love while grace covers it all in Jesus’s name.
Whatever stage of parenting you are in, enjoy it now and look forward to the future! If you have the right perspective, the future is bright and full of hope.
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